


Orphaned

by vwiolet



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Beforus, Beforus Culling, Breaking and Entering, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, No Game AU, Original Character(s), PTSD, Sadstuck, Sexual Harassment, Suicide, finished work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2019-09-30 08:22:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17220350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vwiolet/pseuds/vwiolet
Summary: this is a work in progress and im just writing a Lot rn but yeah, cronus lusus, seahorsedad fuckin died and kankri is his cull charge this is a no game au and my dick is out my battery is at three percent and i am free. ballin. i really doubt im gonna shove porn in here like Legit dead fuckin doubt i will and i doubt im gonna do any shipping cause i see No possibility lmao its just gonna be a lot of yelling and crying LMAO youre welcome go die with mefeel free to bitch and moan in the comments cause god knows ill be bitchin and moanin with yathese ocs im throwing in, im licherally makin up as i go along. i do have fantrolls and shit but none of em fit in for this so! im freeballin. dick out. no battery. free. ball. in. but yes you may or may not see these random trollscome in again or even be mentioned at all in the future or fuck dude one might become an integral character i aint plottin this shit im just coming here when i get half a minute when i am being an adult and just want a distractionanyways, in life you fuk then you die and if you dont fuck you die anyways do what you want within reason





	1. What Time Is It?

Damn, Cronus had always heard about lusi dying, but that was few and far between, and always happened to lower blooded trolls. Not trolls like him. His lusus was supposed to be okay. Yeah, his lusus wasn’t in the best health to begin with, but this was a lusus fit for a violet blood. It couldn’t have happened. He had never heard of it happening. Especially not to someone so… young. Both he and his lusus were young, Cronus just over nine, while his seahorse was just on his first charge. The lusus was always sickly and the seadweller had to be more of the caregiver than the other way around as intended. Along with his other culling duties, this lead to quite the stressed grub, but now, what was he to do? Yeah, one stress was gone, but replaced with a rather large hole in his life, his heart, his whole being. The constant in his life was gone. That big, clumsy seahorse that would always knock over anything that wasn’t nailed down was just dead. 

 

He didn’t even get a chance to really say goodbye. He knew it was coming, but he saw him a day before the death. Things happened and a “friend” kept telling him that he shouldn’t see the creature that raised him because it would hurt him far too much. The day passed without being at his father’s side, then the call came. He had passed. All those words he wanted to say but never had the chance to were to be left unsaid. Left to drift in his head for the rest of his life, the rest of eternity. A simple question of “vwhat vwould havwe happened if i told him vwhat i vwas thinking about it all? vwhat vwould he havwe done if i got the chance to tell him i lovwed him one last time. i vwish i could havwe been vwith him for those final moments. he vwas there for me vwhen i came out the cavwerns, but i couldnt be there for him.” That just loomed in his head for days, weeks, months. Ate away at him. 

 

Cronus was left by himself now. No one ever really enjoyed his presence. His cull charges absolutely abhorred him, more than most others among his ranks had seen. His friends treated him like shit, thought he was less than shit. What was he to do? Find a random stranger and cry on their shoulder? That stranger one actually didn’t sound half bad…. 

 

Dad, grab my jacket. I’m hea- wait. Dad. He’s in that box on the coffee table. In a white box with a picture of a cute seahorse that’s just your shade of violet. Fuck, no matter how many times he thinks about it, it doesn’t take away the sting. No matter how much he tries to make this his norm, it doesn’t make it hurt less. If anything, it hurts more. Makes it feel more like a horrible nightmare and more like horrid reality at the same time. How can shit like this really be happening. And to an Ampora of all trolls? 

 

He runs his clawed finger over the carved indention of the seahorse. What an uncanny thing, it looks nothing like his father. Would you look at that, the little cartoon figure with the round, nearly bubbly features are supposed to represent the monster that raised him. It felt insulting. The seahorse wouldn’t care because he was a seahorse, but Cronus cared. That was his father summed up as a damn bastardization of himself for all to see. 

 

His face scrunched up into a scowl and his pointed teeth were bared. His fins flared slightly because he was just so angry at this one miniscule thing. His claw dug into the cartoon seahorse. His other hand went to grab the lid off the top and pull the bag of ashes out and set it aside. He set the bag aside with the most care and tenderness he could while continuing to bury his claws into the side of that box. Once he was sure it was set down and safe, he grabbed the box with hands to fling it at the ground with all his strength. He shouted, all the words he wanted to say were in one loud incoherent screech. All the things he wish he had done in one toss. All that he wanted to do that bitch of a friend who kept him from his father to “protect him” when he needed to be there most was put into this. 

 

The box sat crumbled on the concrete floor. The wood was splintered everywhere in all directions. The lid still sat on the table by him. Cronus was still screaming, but tears had started to well up in his eyes. He wasn’t doing much thinking right now, just in a blind rage and trying to get this hurt out. The lid was picked up above his head, and thrown with all his might at the floor. Nothing but sobs were coming from him now, ragged sobs. Violet tinted tears were falling down his cheeks and beginning to stain his shirt. Snot was beginning to drip from his nose. His hair was falling from its perfect slicked back state. Cronus was coming undone. 

 

There was no one he could turn to to help him. He was alone. No one cared. No one gives a shit about highbloods and their suffering. They have it made. They have to coddle the poor lowbloods, treat them like pets, take them on walks, clean up their shit when they take a dump on the neighbors lawn. The whole nine yards. Highbloods just rolled over and let the Empress tell them what to do. It was bullshit. 

  
Damn, now that he was thinking about it, he had an appointment with his cull charge today. What time was it? Shit, clock, clock, clock. Where was the clock? He wiped his eyes and looked around at the mess he made and groaned. Where was the god damn clock in this fucking house. Fuck it, he just smudged the back of his hand across his face to help with the snot and scrambled to the kitch- fu _ ck the doorbell. Why is it ringing? Oh dear fucking hell, that’s got to be his fucking cull charge. Fuck. He is SO fucked. _


	2. Don't Tell Kankri You Want Him To Blow You, Dipshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cronus is a dumbass, says too much, and kankri explodes in fear

Can he hide? Just pretend he’s not home? He was frozen like a deer in the headlights and hadn’t made a sound since the bell rang. Maybe if he kept this act up, the guy would just leave… Maybe this could work? Damn it, another ring. It was longer this time. Bastard even knocked. He sighed, resigning himself to his fate. 

 

Cronus grabbed the broom and dustpan while he was in the kitchen and did his walk of shame to the door. Three more rings in a row right as he entered the living room. He hollered, “damn, im coming. you that excited to see me, darling? about time you came around to my suggestion.” Yeah, he didn’t want anything to do with culling and looked like hell right now, but no way in hell was he going to pass up a chance at some pity something. 

 

He was at the door, broom in hand, and opened it. His cull charge, Kankri, had a finger in the air about ready to give a lecture about how it’s unprofessional to keep someone waiting blah, blah, de fucking blah. No one wants to hear that horseshit, and luckily, no one heard it today. He was cut off when he saw the flushed cheeks, bloodshot eyes, runny nose, and droopy fins that all were telltale signs Cronus had been crying. 

 

“9h my w9rd, is this having t9 d9 with y9ur lusus? Y9u kn9w y9u can always speak with me. I may 6e just a cull charge, 6ut I am always willing t9 lend an audit9ry sp9nge f9r th9se in need n9 matter the case. I ha-”

 

Cronus put up his hand with an extremely exhausted look. He opened the door wider and stepped to the side and motioned Kankri in. “please, just come in and let me clean up. vwe can start our culling after this.” There was another flourish of his hand as if to say ‘get the fuck in before I drag your bitch ass in here.’

 

Kankri had an exceedling sour look on his face as he started up again. He was walking in, so that’s all that mattered. “I’ll have y9u kn9w that interrupting 9thers can 6e very triggering. I d9n’t mean t9 9ffend y9u in y9ur fragile state, 6ut y9u d9 need t9 6e m9re c9nsiderate 9f 9thers n9 matter what’s happening in y9ur life. It can greatly help y9urs and raise pe9ple’s 9ppi9n 9f y9u m9re 9ften than n9t. Als9, that thing y9u said a69ut me “c9ming ar-”

 

Another interrupted word vomit. “kankri, your mouth could be doing so many more wonderful things than talking nonstop and givwing me a migraine. its not that i dont lovwe your vwoice because, trust me, i do. i really do. its like svweet music to my ears, but my head already feels like ivwe got a million drills trying to get out and for once, your vwoice isnt so melodic. please, just let me svweep.” 

 

Oh, he really did it now. Cronus said just the right thing to get Kankri really pissed. “And WHAT exactly are these things my m9uth c9uld 6e d9ing that’s s9 much better, hm?” The tips of his ears were red. His foot tapped while he crossed his arms tightly over his chest. 

 

Cronus had walked off to the mess and had begun sweeping it up. He didn’t give a shit anymore. His lusus was dead. What more did he have to lose, to live for? In for a penny for in for a pound. “for this first one to vwork, youvwe got to be on your knees, vwhere you belong. get that mouth on my bulge because vwe both knowv youre dying for it. or you can confess your undying lovwe for me. youvwe got to havwe something for me or else you vwouldnt be coming vwillingly to these cull sessions. or, you could just shut the fuck up and look pretty. i like the first option. lets the both of us blowv off some steam and learn something about ourselvwes.” 

 

He frowned when he saw a violet splinter in the pile. That damn cartoon seahorse that triggered that rage. Ugh. Wait, he’s being oddly silent over there… He lifted his head to take a look at Kankri. He was just wide eyed, slack jawed, and red. Cronus didn’t know someone could blush so hard they turn the exact color of their blood, but he’ll be damned. This guy did it. 

 

Time to snap him out of it. He whistled and snapped his fingers. “kanny, kanks,” Cronus whistled again. “come on, i ain’t nevwer seen you like this before. you can usually make a convwersation vwith a vwall.”

 

Kankri continued to stare. No change in his expression. Dear god, he broke the poor bastard. A+ caretaker. What was he supposed to tell his higher ups? What do you do in a situation like this? Leave the guy be and carry on or go over and try and snap him out of it? Whatever, the floor was still covered in splinters, he figured he may as well make it safe to walk on. 

 

Cronus finished his sweeping and was sure all the wood was gone and thrown away. He scanned the living room quickly for something big enough to fit his lusus’ ashes. His eyes landed on a pot that held a few old wands from his wizarding days. He chunked them to the side and neatly placed the bag inside. When all this was finished, Kankri was still in a state of shock. Motherfucker was broken. 

 

He slowly approached kankri and reached a hand out to touch his shoulder. As soon as he did, Kankri yelled bloody murder, fell on his ass, and scrambled back like he was just burned. He stayed huddled up against a wall and continued screaming until he was out of breath, then it was erratic breathing. Cronus stood there and glanced around the room as if for help. This is where his lusus would have come in and done something funny to help ease the mood, but he was dead and in the wand pot. 

 

“kankri?” That’s all Cronus knew to say. 

 

It was met with a loud yell of “GET AWAY FR9M ME.”

 

Cronus took a step back and lifted his hands to show he meant no harm. Time to try and calm him down so he wasn’t getting yelled at. Again. 

 

“okay, listen. im sorry. blah, blah, all that shit. im not going to make you do any of that i talked about. vwe can just pretend that stuff nevwer happened if thats okay by you.” 

 

Kankri was pushing himself further into the wall. “Y9U’RE N9T S9RRY. I KN9W Y9U’RE S9RRY. IF Y9U WERE S9RRY, Y9U W9ULD’NT HAVE SAID IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Y9U’RE N9 6ETTER THAN THE FIRST.” 

 

Cronus cringed. He knew the story of the first one. Not a good thing to be compared to. “im just going to leavwe you alone for a bit. ill be in another room. if you vwant to see me, you can. if you vwant to leavwe, leavwe. i really dont care.”

 

With that, he left to his sit in bedroom. He was sitting on the mattress he had. Yeah it was different than the usual sopor, but he liked it better, more comfortable than floating in slime. He looked around the room for a moment and his eyes landed on the guitar. May as well practice with it. Better than sitting and stewing on what had just happened. He picked it up and started strumming. He wasn’t very good with it since he had just started a few weeks ago. He was slow changing chords, but he liked it so far. He at least was able to remember the chords easily. 

 

About thirty minutes passed when he heard the front door shut. He set down the guitar and went to go check to see a sticky note on the wall in Kankri’s always perfectly elegant script. “D9n’t expect me 6ack. -Kankri Vantas”

 

Shit. 


	3. Diggin Holes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay very short chapter cause busy with work house buying blah blah lots of adult bullshit and grieving my father while not being allowed to ya know, fun shit Lmao [^: i am working on more cause im having fun with this and it takes my mind off shit
> 
> i just realized i shoved a game thing in a no game au i am SO smart hell YEAH man i am SO FUCKIN. SMART. lets just pretend alchemiters exist in no game aus too cause im dumb as SHIT DOG DUMB AS SHIT

Three days passed without words passing between either of them. Cronus didn’t dare breathe a word to his superiors. If this got out that he fucked up this bad again, he would be deader than his lusus. With all this weighing on his mind, he was sitting in front of his computer and staring at Kankri’s username. Should he message him? Has he been blocked already? No, he can’t be. He can still see the other’s profile. 

 

Ugh, he’s going to bite the bullet and send him a message.

 

… The hell is he supposed to say after that? Are you just supposed to go about things like its nothing? Talk about it?

  
  


callipygousAdmirer  [CA] began trolling  cancrineGarnet [CG]. 

 

CA: long time no chat, hot cakes. 

CA: youvwe been missing all the cull sessions vwevwe had planned, so im going to svwing by your place at the usual time. that fine by you?

  
  


He left the chat open for a good thirty minutes and nothing happened. He checked Kankri’s profile. Yep, he was, in fact, online. Time to bug him more.

  
  


CA: come on, you knowv you cant resist spending time vwith THE most eligible bachelor on beforus. 

CA: vwhat more can you vwant? ivwe got the good looks, the charm, dashing smile. im the complete package, and coming to your door vwrapped up all nice and pretty just for your eyes only. 

CA: doesnt that sound like a dream come true, svweetcheeks? 

 

cancrineGarnet [CG] joined the chat.

 

cancrineGarnet [CG] blocked  callipygousAdmirer [CA].

  
  


And his chat screen autoclosed. What did he do? What did he say? He had been nothing but handsome and kind in that conversation and just got the cold shoulder. Oh yeah, the other day. Well excuuuuuuse him for grieving and not being able to watch his tongue properly. 

 

Cronus pushed himself away from his computer with a huff. He was still going to Kankri’s place whether he liked it or not. He should bring something as a peace offering. What does this stick in the mud like? Maybe he could make some fancy notebooks and pens because fuck knows Kankri was always scribbling away in a new notebook every week because he just filled those things up so quickly. Yeah, that’s a good and thoughtful gift. Score one, Ampora. 

 

He was off to the back room with the alchemiter. He stood in front of it and rubbed his hands together. What to make that would win this dickhead back.... It has to be something tasteful, classy. Why not a notebook with a picture of his lusus on it? Put old crabdad on the cover. Can’t go wrong with that. Now, that just leaves that just leaves the pens… Obviously red has to be on them. If not, he is a hack of a friend. Something ornate to match how he writes. 

 

He decided on making some pens with a teardrop shape that had a spiral of bright red running from the end to the point. He rigged these pens to never run out of ink thanks to Beforus magic. This along with the personalized notebook should get him some brownie points. 

 

Cronus had the two gifts wrapped nicely in half red paper and violet with a bow in the middle. He knocked on the door and waited. And waited. He knocked again. Still no answer. Shit, he didn’t want to use the key he was issued when was assigned Kankri, but if this kept up, he might have to. He was going to give it a few more minutes. He banged on the door this time. “kankri, come on. just let me in. im sorry. i brought you some things to try and make up for it?”

 

It was met with a slam of a door inside. He groaned. “8A8E, PLEASE? IM REALLY TRULY SORRY. I PROMISE I VWONT DO IT AGAIN. I MEAN IT. ILL GET ON MY KNEES AND 8EG IF YOU VWANT ME TO.” He was now pathetically banging on the door and throwing in some very well practiced sobs. 

 

Kankri knew this song and dance oh so well. “Shut up!” Wow, no trigger warnings. Dude’s real fuking pissed. Cronus has fucked up real bad. About to fuck up even more. 


	4. Is It "Breaking" And Entering If You Have A Key?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CRONUS FUCKIN BREAKS IN BUT HE GOT KEY TO PLACE 
> 
> idk man im just slappin my computer all this been written while ive been high on multiple occasions anyways im gonna go get some fuckin milk at two fuckin am and tell my gf goodnight after this see fuckin YALL

Yeah, this was going nowhere. Time to open the door himself. He  _ should _ let kankri know that he’s coming, but does he? No. he is very dumb. Cronus is very, very dumb. That being stated, he takes out his keychain and finds the key to Kankri’s home and unlocks it. A simple turn of the key, then the knob, and he’s in. He looks in, and this is what he expected the place to be like. Very clean, lots of stark white, some tasteful red accents where it wouldn’t be too off putting, very nice. He was in and shut the door behind him. Alright, time to find the poor, scared bastard. 

 

The best place to start would be Kankri’s room. The problem is, he didn’t know where that was and all the doors were closed. He was standing in the living room right now. He looked around and saw a hall, a kitchen, and a room off the kitchen. Better start with the hall. It looked pretty long so he was probably going to be there a minute. 

 

He opened the first door, a study, an empty study. Time to check the door on the left. The left had a bathroom, also empty. Next one down, the door was stuck. It wasn’t locked, but it was stuck. He pushed it for a minute with all his weight, thinking Kankri had made some sort of barricade. He made a running charge at the door and it opened. Cronus tumbled onto the floor. He started to hear an odd clicking noise while his sight stopped spinning. He chalked it up to being disoriented. After a moment, though, it grew louder and he felt something cold and hard touch him. Almost like the shell of an animal was rubbing against him. He opened his eyes and  _ holy fuckin shit there’s some weird ass stalk eyes just wiggling and up in his business while crab pinchers are tugging at him and weird crab feelers are touching him. Oh dear god. Oh fuck. Oh shit. _

 

Now it was Cronus' turn to be the jackass scooting all the way back in a corner in fear. He didn’t want to holler, but did he want to tell this lusus he didn’t want it all up in his shit. Once his back made a nice, solid thud against the wall and his fate sank in, Cronus started to wave a hand and shush at the giant bipedal crab. 

 

“i ain’t trying to hurt anyone. im just here to make nice vwith kanks. nowv, if youll excuse me, ill be out of your vway.” While he was talking, he had begun to get to his feet. He was very slow moving to try and keep the monster calm. It made gentle chitters and clicks while he shuffled to his feet and rambled about what he was doing. “you see? im an okay guy. just doing exactly vwhat i said id do. almost out of your vway.” By this time, he was on his feet. There was plenty of room between the lusus and anything else, so he took the chance and ran to the door. Once through the door, he closed it shut and heaved a sigh of relief. 

 

After a moment of catching his breath, he wiped his forehead and whispered nonchalantly, “piece of cake,” then walked to the next room in line across the hall. If it wasn’t this next room, there were four more after that, and he really hoped it was this one. 

 

Cronus slowly creaked the door open, checking every inch as he continued to open it so, so slowly. No sign of anything monstrous… wait. This looks like a respiteblock. Fuck, please dear god, let this be the one he’s in, Cronus thought as he slung the door open for it to thud on something before it could hit the wall. No response. No sight of anyone. He racked his brain. Maybe the recuperacoon? Yeah, he must be power napping. He checked the vat of slime to see nothing. He frowned and turned around. He was sure Kankri would have been there. “kankri? kanks? kanny, baby? are you evwen in this place?” 

 

The door was shut with a slam. He had been behind the door. Cronus actually slammed it into Kankri unknowingly. He is oh so smart. Did I mention that yet? 

 

“I am  _ very _ much here while y9u sh9uld n9t 6e. Get 9ut n9w 6ef9re I alert the auth9rities.” Kankri was rightfully livid. Cronus had broken into his home, his private property, and his bedroom, then proceeded to slam a door into him. God knows what else he could have been up to while he had been snooping around. 

 

Cronus froze stock still in place when Kankri’s voice seemed to boom in the quiet he had grown used to. After he had a moment to regain his cool, he spoke, “vwoah, vwoah, vwoah. calm dowvn, kitten. vwe dont need to be calling any bots here. this can be solvwed real easy. i vwas just coming to talk to you about our little sessions. you hadnt showvn in the past fewv days and i got vworried. i vwas givwen a key to your place vwhen you vwere issued to me, so i may havwe let myself in.” He had started to rub at his neck nervously at that last part. At some point during his rambling, he had started staring at the ground. “but, thats all in the past, right? vwe can let bygones be bygones? this is vwhat buddies do to each other, pull the occasional prank, use the key they vwere givwen to let themself in, all that fun stuff.” Here comes the awkward laughter. 

 

Kankri’s eyes narrowed further as he marched toward Cronus. He was on a mission to whoop ass. He gripped the front of Cronus’ shirt and tugged him slightly forward to get his attention. Normally, Kankri wouldn’t be using this much force, but once someone goes this far, a man does not let bygones be. “If y9u d9 n9t get 9ut 9f my hive as s99n as I let g9 9f y9u, I have every right t9 6e sure y9u never see the dark 9f night again.” Kankri was staring daggers at Cronus. He very much meant his threat and had a million different plans in mind to enact it, some involving authorities, some not. 

 

Cronus was quivering in his shoes, and shrunk down the handful of inches it took to be shorter than kankri. His fins were pointed down and flat against his head while he watched wide eyed. He swallowed down the lump in his throat before he spoke. “im not going to lie. this is the most turned on ivwe been in the LONGEST time.”


	5. Low Blows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theyre going at it like catty middle aged soccer moms and its fuckin good shit man 
> 
> so yeah ive been working like a fuckin dog worked ilke seven days in a row and did splits and i was fuckin beat and didnt do shit for writing for a bit but i got today off and im BACK BABEYfor today at least YEET i might write more today But might not who knows

“If I were a lesser man, I w9uld give y9u a 6l99dy n9se f9r that.” Kankri pushed the other away and wiped his hands clean of Cronus on his pant leg. “Y9u are a  _ vile _ excuse 9f a man and I h9pe y9u kn9-”

 

Cronus fell on his ass with an obvious lump in his pants (true to his word it seems). He scrambled back to his feet while words seemed to scramble to get out. “vwait, dont throwv me out YET. listen, youre just really, really hot vwhen you get angry. that look in your face, the way you squint your eyes and look at me like you vwant to fuck me stupid? i think vwere meant for each other. kanny, baby, svweetheart, in those fewv minutes of vwhen i first sawv you seeing me looking for you? i think that vwas the spawvning of something special. vwere meant for each other in pitch. maybe evwen red if i can vwear you dowvn enough.” His demeanor completely changed from the scared shitless of just a moment ago to his usual overly cocky horeshit along with a saucy wink. 

 

Kankri stood in disgusted silence while he listened and watched this beast transform into his true self again. This motherfucker really did that? Really went from an incapacitated intruder, to a fucking capacitated intruder all in the span of one egotistical ramble. The audacity of this bitch. Only KANKRI was allowed to pull shit like that and SURELY not as saucy and flirtatiously. He only did so tastefully and in debates like any gentleman. 

 

Kankri finally came back from his thinking and his mouth was agape and eyebrows as high up as they can go. Pardon his Beforian French, but, “What in the flying fuck are y9u even g9ing 9N a69ut? Y9u came int9 my hive after that wh9le FIASC9 when I very much did N9T invite y9u in! When I 6l9cked y9u 9n Tr9llian, did y9u n9t understand that I never wanted t9 c9mmunicate with y9u again? That I was already in the pr9cess 9f rep9rting y9u? And even if we did engage in this asinine “relati9nship” y9u just sp9ke 9f, these types 9f things are f9r6idden 6etween a caretaker and their charge. Y9u, 9f all pe9ple (respecting y9ur species dysph9ria), sh9uld kn9w.” 

 

“reporting? youre reporting me? ME? VWHY ME? VWHAT DID I FUCKING DO THAT VWAS SO FUCKING 8AD? I VWAS A DAMN  _ SAINT. _ I HAVWE 8EEN A MODEL CARETAKER FOR YOU AND THIS IS THE RESPECT I GET? I GET TREATED JUST LIKE THE 8ASTARDS THAT MADE YOU DAMAGED GOODS. THATS FUCKING VWHAT. OH, THATS FUCKING  _ RICH. _ RICH, I TELL YOU. RICH.” All while he was yelling, he was pacing around the room with an exceedingly sarcastic smile. Towards the end of that mini rant, his hands started to flourish very wildly. 

 

Now, Kankri had had it. “9h? So I’M damaged g99ds, Mr. “lifes so hard because im a vuhwuhiolet blood and havuhwuhe to put evuhwuheryones needs before mine. im such a poor baby vuhwuho cant get laid.” Yeah, that was a low blow, especially on the accent, but he felt like it was appropriate after what was said and done before.

 

Cronus stopped dead in his tracks. “you knowv vwhat?”

 

“vuhwuhat?” 

 

“fuck you.” Those two words dripped with enough malice to kill. He threw the gifts down on the floor and walked out. He squeezed the handle so tight it was in the shape of his fist after he left. The slam of the front door alerted Kankri to him being gone there too. 


	6. Learn From Past Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh dear fuckin god so much happens in this chapter fuckin. cronus goes home in a crying mess shoots at his neighbor gets beat up then a giant frog shows up then he talks to kankri and is Himself oh dear god its so much and i literally gotta go and edit the rating for this shit ;lalskjfadklkja

Cronus fucking stormed back to his home. He was done with Kankri. If he really did get reported, so fucking be it. He’d take that five hour lecture happily knowing he’d never have to see that snot nosed brat again. Boy, was Pops going to get an ear FULL when he got home- Wait. Cronus stopped dead in his tracks. With all this going on for these few days, he had completely forgotten that old seahorsedad was, you know. Dead. Shit. 

 

He choked back a little yell and bit his tongue to distract himself. It worked for a minute to fight back the tears and keep him from screaming in public. He looked around. People were shuffling around him, pushing past like nothing was happening. Like no one had lost someone so important to them so soon. He blinked like this was a completely shocking thing because it was to him. The tears started to fall. He just couldn’t stop them, and they kept coming. Cronus ducked his head and started running. He was several blocks away from his place, but fuck he had to get home  _ now. _

 

When he finally made it home, he had received more than his fair share of weird and disgusted looks, and was very winded, but he was at his front door. He was fumbling with his keys, struggling to see through the violet haze of his tears. Why did he have so many fucking keys and keychains? Then, he dropped them. Again. When he came back up from picking them up, he managed to hit his head on the doorknob. He yelled loudly and rubbed his head. Now, he was just trying random keys. Fuck this shit. The last key worked, just his luck. 

 

Now that he was behind locked doors, he screamed, yelled, hollered until his voice was hoarse. He cursed the world for taking away his father, the only friend who stayed by him, who supported him, who even attempted to care about him. He may have been shitty at it, but at least he tried. This godforsaken world was cruel enough to kick him while he was down.

 

His voice finally gave out, but he still had so much more to scream into the oblivion that obviously did not give a single shit about him. He had to get these emotions out somehow. He had to do SOMETHING. His eyes scanned the room. Vase, lamp, tv, table, painting from backstabber, picture of pops, couch- PAINTING. He could wreck that! 

 

Cronus grabbed that painting and picked up trusty old ahab. Time to blast this thing to shit and back. He hurried to the backyard and set up the painting at point blank. Ahab was set and ready. One, two, three… fuck YEAH.  Nothing quite like blowing something up so bad there’s no debris left. He was grinning and marveling at the lack of that picture, then a yell came from a neighbor. 

 

“HEY, DIPNUT. UUATCH UUHERE YOU FUCKING AIM.” 

 

He looked up to see a big chunk missing from the tree that was hanging over the fence. One of the limbs that was hanging on by a thread fell with a very heavy thud that shook the ground. Another resounding “FUCK. YOU.” came from the neighbor. Cronus laughed the best he could with his voice just a hoarse whisper. 

 

That laugh was cut short when he saw a head pop up over the fence. Holy shit, this guy was climbing the fence. His eyes went wide as he stood in place. He got over the fence and jumped over and this guy was a pipsqueak. Oh, Cronus could definitely take him. This other dude wasn’t even a third of the height of the fence while Cronus could look over it by standing on his tiptoes. Piece of cake. 

 

He relaxed and waited for this Napoleon looking motherfucker to get here. Little dude would probably take an hour cause his little legs can’t go that fast. He pulled out his phone and woke the screen. A message from Kankri? Huh, that’s weir-

 

His train of thought was cut off because chode nextdoor just kicked him in the shin with the power of god on his side. He dropped his phone and wheezed while he was hopping and grabbing his shin. 

 

“you’re lucky I did’nt do UUORSE.” Then he turned around and went on his way back. When he got to the fence, he jumped to no avail for several minutes. At least ten minutes. He only managed to jump a few inches off the ground each time, but damn was he fucking trying. Cronus wondered if he was supposed to help the guy? The dude just kicked him in the shin, so he WASN’T going to, but was he supposed to is the question. He was brought back to reality when the wanna be spidermonkey started yelling for his lusus for help and a rather large frog hopped over with ease. He crawled on it’s back, and it launched back onto the otherside. Cronus was too dumbfounded with the scene to even remember his leg felt like it was broken. What the fuck just happened?

 

His phone lit up and it caught his attention. He crawled over to where it lay and saw three messages from Kankri. There was going to a full fledged novel because the word limit for one message was fucking HUGE on Trollian. 

  
  


cancrineGarnet [CG] began trolling callipygousAdmirer  [CA].

 

CG: The events 9f the last time we were t9gether have 6een weighing heavily 9n me. I am aware that things were very heated at the time. We 69th said things that we did n9t mean. Myself especially. I w9uld like t9 say that I am n9t pr9ud 9f many 9f these things I did say during y9ur visit. I did say that I was in the pr9cess 9f rep9rting y9u, 6ut that was a 6luff... I ap9l9gize f9r 6reaking y9ur trust like that. I d9 n9t intend t9 rep9rt y9u. I ap9l9gize f9r causing any distress t9 y9u, especially in y9ur time 9f grieving.

 

CG: There is als9 the matter 9f where I teased y9u f9r y9ur accent. I kn9w y9u cann9t help the way y9u speak and that y9u very sensitive a69ut it. There is n9 excuse f9r my 6ehavi9r, and I 9ffer my m9st sincerest 9f ap9l9gies. I kn9w that s9me may find y9ur accent charming and appealing, 6ut in the m9ment when y9u had 6r9ken int9 my h9me, my feathers were very ruffled. I kn9w that is n9 excuse t9 make fun 9f y9u, 6ut please d9 n9t 6reak int9 my h9me again. I realize that f9r a g99d relati9nship 6etween a caretaker and their charge, it requires respect fr9m 69th parties. I am n9t sure that y9u have respect f9r me. I try t9 have respect f9r y9u, 6ut when y9u sh9w 6latant disregard f9r me, it makes me w9nder. 6ef9re this recent st9rm has c9me 9n, y9u have made the hard t9 ign9re flirtati9us advances t9wards me, asking if I need help while in the a6luti9n trap, undressing, and varying 9ther intimate things. Als9 making remarks a69ut my physical appearance that I very much d9 n9t appreciate. I d9 n9t want t9 hear a69ut h9w my rump pleases y9u in such... ways. N9, I will m9st certainly n9t help y9u with y9ur "6edtime duties." 9ne, it is unpr9fessi9nal given 9ur relati9nship. Tw9, y9u kn9w I am very unc9mf9rta6le with such things. Three, I wish t9 never see such parts 9f y9u.

 

CG: Having said all 9f this, I w9uld like t9 thank y9u f9r the gifts that y9u 6r9ught with y9u. I 9pened them and they were very l9vely and th9ughtful. I am h9nestly surprised at h9w th9ughtful they are. Thank y9u very much.

 

callipygousAdmirer  [CA] joined chat.

 

[CA] joined chat.

 

CA: babe, most of this just flewv right ovwer my head, but i think this vwas an apology. then that last one vwas definitely thanks for the presents. 

 

CA: youre vwelcome. 

 

CA: and for making fun of me especially right vwhen pops is dead, thats fucked up. 

 

CG: Yes, I kn9w it was. N9w, d9 y9u have anything t9 say t9 me f9r what y9u did t9 get int9 my hive? What y9u said while in my h9me? I w9uld l9ve t9 hear what y9u have t9 say 9n these matters. 

 

CA: nope. 

 

CG: Cr9nus.

 

CA: yes, darling?

 

CG: D9 n9t call me that. 

 

CA: oh come on. youvwe got to cut me some slack. i AM grieving after all. you said so yourself. 

 

CG: Y9u are grieving 6ut it makes n9 excuse f9r what y9u have said and d9ne t9 me since the beginning 9ur strictly pr9fessi9nal relati9nship.

 

CA: i just speak my mind. i thought that’s vwhat people like? a guy that speaks his mind, especially vwhen it has to do vwith his lovwer. 

 

CG: Strictly. Pr9fessi9nal. Relati9nship.

 

CA: nothing quite like an office romance. dont you lovwe vwalking in on becky and pat from accounting fucking in the copy room? that could be us, but in the safety of my house. 

 

CG: Cr9nus. Y9u are testing my patience. 

 

CA: kanny, you knowv you vwant to take me up on this at least once. 

 

CG: 9ne m9re message 9f this n9nsense and I will bl9ck y9u again. 

 

CA: youre obvwoiusly not much for givwing head, so maybe you vwant me to givwe you head? im more than vwilling to showv you a good time. 

 

cancrineGarnet [CG] blocked callipygousAdmirer  [CA].

 

Another autoclose. Damn, he thought Kankri was just playing shy.


	7. Live And I Guess I'll Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cronus hears a song dear ole pops loved and he falls apart   
> then a visitor comes :eyes:

Some time had passed and Cronus was sitting on the floor of his room and picking at the guitar. His head was tilted back and leaning against the bed. He had a radio playing and was attempting to find the chords and play along with it. He didn’t know that many chords, so it was tough for him, but it helped him learn. 

 

One song stopped, the dj came on and talked some about the last song with some weird anecdote about how he met his matesprit’s moirail at a concert for this band or something or the other. Whatever. The next song came on and it hit him like a train. Being flung against a brick wall at lightspeed would have hurt less than hearing this band. His dad always loved this band’s music. Pops always liked the harsh sounding music, but this was the one band that he would always make those bubbles, bounce around, and just be happy when it came on. He was gone. He couldn’t enjoy this anymore. It hurt. It felt like a stab to the chest. 

 

Cronus pushed the guitar off his lap, practically kicked it away and curled in on himself. He cried while he pulled his knees as close to his chest as he could. His arms wrapped so tightly around his legs so he could attempt to ignore the pain in his heart. He wailed, sobbed, blubbered. Any word you can think of for screaming and crying like a lil baby you can think of, he really did that. 

 

His mind was racing with all the things that lead up to old pops dying. The prolonged treatments that just didn’t work. The doctors talking all that gibberish while he sat and rung his hands and saw those labored breaths. All that anger he felt at being left in the dark during most of it because the doctors never spoke to him in terms he could understand no matter what. They always had to use the technical terms. Fucking assholes. 

 

Then the one thought that kept coming back no matter how many times he tried to ignore it, “i nevwer got to tell him all these things i vwanted to tell him before he died. vwe vwere nevwer alone for me to tell him, and it hurts me so much.” 

 

Now that he had let himself fully form that thought, he slammed his head against his knees. He watched the violet tinted tears fall from the slight slope of his nose and onto his jeans. He just wished he could have told him how much he loved him. How he was sorry he didn’t spend as much time with him in the past year because his culling duties had started and that was a fulltime job and he just never had the energy for anything else. He wanted to tell him he’d miss him bumbling into his room at odd hours and knocking things over and waking him up just to check on him. He wanted to tell him goodbye. 

 

But he never got the chance. And it hurt so, so much. All of this added pain because of one “friend” who kept him away to her best ability. 

 

“pops, i lovwe you.... i miss you. i wish the last thing i said to you that you remembered hearing wasnt me yelling at you. especially telling you that you nevwer fucking take of yourself and i havwe to pick up your slack and i fucking hate it. im sor-”

 

His sentence is cut short by a sob that keeps going. This snotty crying isn’t doing shit to make him feel better. He starts fucking screaming. At himself, at death, at the doctors, at that piece of shit friend, at fate, at pops, at everything. Why not scream at everything? Everything has fucking wronged him at some point. This is just all those fucking wrongs coming to a fucking head to fuck him over the most. 

 

Either that or someone is setting the stage for THE most elongated and fucked up episode of Troll’d. Come on, Troll Ashton Kutcher. Pop out from behind that door with his dad in tow and shouting in the most obnoxious tone “you just got TROLL’D.” Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the heartache, slurrybrain. Just give him the dad back and let him be happy. Oh yeah, while we’re at it with fixing his problems, can you throw in a Kankri hiding behind that big ass seahorse who goes “Why yes, I was just pranking y9u a69ut the wh9le impr9per caregiver thing. Very funny, isn’t it?”

 

No? Nobody? Ashton? Where you at, cubeballs? Guess this much needed pity party will keep goi-

 

Scratch that. A loud banging is at the front door. And this banging is something like an angry matesprit just heard some gossip that you were fucking your moirail and she has pictures to prove it. 

 

A thundering voice comes from the door that can be heard from miles away, “open the DO\O\R. AMPO\RA. we have SO\METHING to speak about.”

 

Oh dear hell, she sounds so pissed.


	8. No Hollow Threats From Kankri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new smash fighter has arrived and boy is she FUCKIN PISSED.   
> HATES: PEOPLE WHO BREAKS LAWS   
> LOVES: KICKING ASS WHEN APPROPRIATE

When that door is opened, this fucking brickshit house of a woman is met with a sniveling, bleary eyed chump of a seadweller. He looks disgusting. He’s hunched over, not in fear, but something else she can’t quite place at the moment. The pathetic slime has snot dripping nearly a foot long from his nostrils, his hair all over the place, and dear god his eyes look so violet and puffy. She’s almost ashamed for this kid. 

 

She makes a disgusted groan. “clean yourself UP. i am NO\T your lusus. i will NO\T lower myself to cleaning you.”

 

He nearly started bawling all over again between being yelled at and the mention of a lusus. She was not amused. 

 

Cronus stayed at the door, crumbling into it like it was a piece of driftwood and Troll DiCaprio was off to die of hypothermia and drowning. The stranger stood right outside watching this whole shitshow for what it was, a shitshow. She looked him over one last time to check and see if he was going to man up, but he obviously wasn’t. She pushed him to the side. And by pushed, I mean shoved him so hard he made a nice thud against the wall and the door will be leaving a nice bruise for at least a few days from where it smashed his arm. 

 

She had finally gotten inside. “AMPO\RA, your charge has spoken to me. spoken to me about some very O\BSCENE things you have done. he is VERY displeased. as am I. do you want to know what happens when I am displeased?”

 

Cronus was still trying to get his wind back from being thrown against the wall. What the hell was this blue bitch talking about? He hadn’t even shut the door yet and she was already talking some sort of business? What the fuck, lady?

 

“vwoah, vwoah, vwo-” he took a deep breath in- again the dudes still trying to recover from getting the wind knocked out- okay, game face, Ampora. “ah.” He finally vwheezed it out. Good for him. 

 

She raised a brow and waited for him to continue. He was sitting there with his hands raised like he was going to say something else, but he never continued. Strange boy. “SPIT. IT. /O\UT.”

 

Feisty. He liked this girl. “vwhat the fuck kind of shit are you going on about? am i in trouble? if i am, vwhat the hell COULD i be in trouble FOR? im a fucking SAINT.” 

 

She didn’t show it, but she was a bit bewildered by this. Here he was, still covered in snot that had since been flung and stuck to that wall over there. Oh look, it’s sliding down the wall he was flung against. That’s probably gonna be fun to clean. Good luck, booger boy.  Anyways, he had some balls. He had been reported over a hundred times by just one charge for unwarranted sexual advances. He had been reassigned six times in his year of work. Over all track record, he had gained a rather large file of unprofessionalism in all sense of the word. And, as three of the charges put it, he is the scum of the earth and deserves to have his genitals ripped apart. Dude had some balls alright. 

 

She simply lifted the overflowing folder that she had brought with her. It was a copy of his file that she was going to go over with him and make him atone for. 

 

He squinted. “and that is..?” His hand fluttered around as he waited for an explanation. 

 

“ALL of your wrongdoings. you will answer for EACH and every one of them. by ANY. MEANS. NECESSARY.”

 

He raised an eyebrow and tried his best to be suave while having snot on his shirt and having peed his pants just a little, “oh? ANY means?” He cocked an eyebrow and a glob of snot dripped to string and blow in the breeze.

 

She wanted to snap his neck. “any means, BUT the ones you are hoping for. you DEPRAVED. WO\RTHLESS. SNIVELING. PEST.” She threw the file down on the nearest table with a hefty thud. 

 

Cronus was starting to get a little bit afraid, but he was trying not to show it. Yeah, his fins were starting to tremble and there was a good look of fear in his eyes, but he totally had a poker face going. He was about to make his patented move of smacking her ass when she grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him to look  _ very _ closely at the file. By very, I mean his face was an inch away from the papers. 

 

He was about to protest when she beat him to the punch. Damn, this lady was fucking quick. 

 

“D/O\ Y/O\U SEE WHAT Y/O\U HAVE D/O\NE T/O\ THESE TROLLS?” She pushed his face closer to the file. “I KN/O\W Y/O\U REMEMBER WHAT WAS SAID, D/O\NE T/O\ THEM. THEY REMEMBER THESE THINGS S/O\ S/O\ VIVIDLY. Y/O\U HAVE N/O\ FEELINGS. N/O\ EM/O\TI/O\NS F/O\R ANY/O\NE BUT Y/O\URSELF. D/O\ Y/O\U KN/O\W WHY? BECAUSE Y/O\U. ARE. SCUM. FILTH. DISGUSTING. Y/O\U HAVE F/O\RCED Y/O\URSELF /O\N S/O\ MANY. Y/O\U HAVE TAKEN S/O\METHING FR/O\M THEM THAT CANN/O\T BE GIVEN BACK. THEIR SANITY. D/O\ Y/O\U HEAR ME, MAGG/O\T?”

 

He stayed silent. His eyes were closed tight as he pushed with all his might to get away from the table. She kept him right where she wanted him. He was slowly being pushed closer and closer to the file before him, but he still fought. 

 

“ANSWER. ME.” She quickly moved her hand, and he flung back and landed on his ass. “D/O\\. Y/O\U. HEAR. ME.”

 

He crawled back, obviously terrified and nodded all the while. She gave a quick nod to acknowledge him. She turned herself so she could flip through the file and keep an eye on Cronus at the same time. She landed on the page she was looking for. She picked up the picture. 

 

“NO\W. do you remember THIS troll?” The picture she showed was of a goldblood with yellow and red eyes. That guy was his first charge. 

 

Cronus looked at the floor while he talked. “yeah, i remember him. ayhzee, right?”

 

“tell me WHAT you did to him.” Her eyes were narrowing. She expected the worst from him. 

 

“he vwanted me to come by his place for our sessions. he vwas in some ovweralls that left nothing to the imagination, so he HAD to be coming onto me. i grabbed his ass, he got mad, and thats it.” He shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. 

 

“the report SHO\WS that you not only grabbed his rear. but his FRO\NT as well. you also attempted to kiss him on SEVERAL occasions as well. he has recounted MANY. MANY times you messaged him stating you were looking for someone to copulate with. i have pictures of EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. you solicited him like this.” She lifted up a thick pile of papers filled with what looked like screenshots of their texts back and forth. 

 

“so? i dont get the point of this.” He was bored now. During her spiel, he had been looking her over. She didn’t have a good set of gams, but hoo, did she have an ass to die for. 

 

“i think vwed get more out of this if you pinned me dowvn and had your vway vwith me if you get vwhat im saying,” he winked. “i vwouldnt mind havwing a big and strong vwoman like yourself showving me my place in bed.” He had relaxed by now. He was lazily leaning against the wall with one foot propped up and the other leg laying straight.

 

Absolutely revolting. She closed the file and hefted it up to swing it at him. It connected with his jaw. His head bounced back and hit the wall behind him, so he was seeing stars. His eyes fluttered and his head swayed since the sense was knocked out of him for a good minute. 

 

“WHAT. D/O\NT HAVE ANYTHING T/O\ SAY T/O\ THAT?” She was looking quite smug with her triumph. 

 

He was still sitting in that daze. It felt like his brain was still rattling in his skull. She was happy with this. She dropped the folder in his lap. “when youre DO\NE. take a L/O\NG look at that.” She stepped over him, and excused herself. The door was slammed behind her. 


	9. Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sup guys im not dead i just feel like i am B^)
> 
> but yeah, cronus is left to look at the shit he did then goes to the backyard and, you guessed it, smokes for the first time in his life

The door slammed and he was still struggling to form a thought other than, “that really happened? i- vwhat?”

 

When the pounding in his head lessened slightly, he took a peek at the folder. Damn, this thing was fucking thick. He opened it and the first thing he saw was a picture of his first charge. He kept flipping through the pages and saw all of his past charges, even Kankri tacked onto the end. Each section that was set aside for each individual charge was a big bundle of screenshots of conversations, retellings of their cull sessions, and a lengthy analysis of their mental health before and after their culling with him had started. 

 

With each mention of his wrong doing, his face scrunched up in confusion. All of this was taken out of context! Foliah had been coming onto him with all the compliments and pretty smiles. How could him asking her to stay longer for some added fun be bad? Shlyxe was in here too! The two of them had a fling while they were working together. How the hell did he take advantage of them? He was rebuilding their self esteem in a way only a matesprit could do. 

 

He finally closed the file and threw it to the side. That thing was just put together to give him a bad name for no reason. He gingerly rested his head against the wall. A knot was starting to form on the back of his head, so he turned it sideways to rest with minimal pain. “i just cant havwe it fucking easy, huh?”

\-------------------

Cronus was sitting in his backyard with his old and crumpled pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He had never smoked before, didn’t want to till recently. He opened the pack and looked at the inside. A bunch of cigarettes. Some had been bent with the pack, while others were looking just like new. He grabbed a bent one and dropped the pack in front of him. He looked it over for a minute before picking up the lighter. He put the cigarette in his mouth and attempted to light it. This lighter was a fucking pain in the ass to get to light. He kept messing with the sparkwheel and it refused to catch. He sat there for a good minute getting angrier and angrier until it finally sparked and a flame came from it. He quickly lit the cigarette and took a drag.

 

That drag tasted like fucking charcoal. He started hacking and wheezing. Luckily, he had the sense to grab the cigarette before he burnt something. The lighter was dropped in the commotion. Cronus was hunched over his knees and probably hacking up a lung. When he finally regained his posture and had a few deep breaths, he thought, “howv do people stand these things? i feel like i tried to do a line of ash.” 

 

He glanced at the cigarette. It’s still burning and there. Maybe if he tries again, it won’t be as bad.

 

This time he went shorter with it, held it in his mouth, then tried to breathe it in slowly. As soon as it crawled down his throat, he lost all his cool. He started coughing again. Not as bad as last time since he knew what to expect. Another breath to calm himself and he tried again. This time he didn’t cough until he had breathed it out. 

 

He kept trying to smoke that cigarette. By the time it was spent, he wasn’t coughing as much. His mouth tasted like an ashtray. His tongue burned, so did his nose and gills. He couldn’t hear his heart racing in his head like before. He guessed this is what people mean when they say it calms their nerves. He didn’t feel like he was a string drawn too tight on the verge of snapping. He just had a nasty taste in his mouth. That was it. 

 

Cronus looked at the box in front of him. One down and 19 left. He could work with that.


	10. Silence Makes One Lonely Bastard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay so, hes a depressed bitch and no one loves him  
> shocker, i know.

A week of silence since everything had happened. No more culling authorities, no messages from Kankri, no calls or messages from his “friends.” Nothing. He had been staying inside his home that whole week. He did walk out to his backyard twice to smoke. Both times were as successful as the first. 17 left. 

 

Today was he was laying on the floor of his room and staring at the ceiling. That summed up his day very well. Just staring at the roof and thinking. Thinking about his lusus. All the memories of riding on his back when he was younger felt like knives in his chest. Every memory felt like a betrayal. Instead of being happy like it was before, it had turned sour. No more happy memories with dear old Pops. 

 

Cronus rolled over so he was laying on his side instead of his back. He looked at the floor beneath his bed. A few boxes stored underneath, some dust, an- oh sweet there’s a dollar under here. He would reach for it, but he was busy crying in the most cinematic pose ever- on his side with his hair falling from its perfect place while one lone tear slid down his cheek to leave a perfect trail. He blinked and two more tears fell. No sobbing whatsoever. Just a few tears every now and again to remind him that he was still very sad. Very poetic stuff, as you can tell.

 

The thought of not having Pops try to look under the bed only to upturn it with his big snout hurt so much. Yeah, it was annoying at the time, but it was funny in retrospect. Even back when he had a recuperacoon and the entire vat of slime was spilled everywhere was better than being without him. He’d clean up a million recoops worth of slime to have him back. 

 

He decided it was time to try and grab that dollar, but he still didn’t want to move (grieving takes a lot out of a guy). Cronus flopped an arm over to reach out in front of him. Damn it, the thing was just out of reach. He could brush it with the tips of his fingers, but it was too far to grab without moving. Just letting his arm ragdoll in that general direction was enough manual labor for one day. He rolled his eyes. Whatever, he can pick it up later. Just tuck away a mental note about that dollar, aaaaand done. He won’t remember that one, but it’s the thought that counts. 

 

His eyes closed and there was his dear old lusus in his mind’s eye. Oh, that magnificent bastard. The fucking mammoth of a seahorse. Goliath of hippocampus. The- okay that’s enough for one lifetime. To sum it up, this was one big fuckin fish in both dimensions AND importance to one violetblood. 

 

He remembered the one time a sweep back when Cronus was trying to redecorate. He was moving some houseplants around and had turned his back on one. Then, he heard a crash, felt some leaves hit the back of his head, and one VERY concerned bubbling sound. He whipped around and saw the culprit. Pops had run head first into the plant. The poor thing didn’t stand a chance to fatass over there. It was crushed and the spindly little trunk had snapped into several bits, the soil strewn all over, and only one leaf left on it. All Cronus could do was shake his head.The memory faded back to what it was- a memory. There would be no more wild mishaps like that. 

 

No more of the trips they used to take into town. When Cronus was younger, he would hold onto pops’ tail. It was scaley, a little slimy, but gripped his hand with gentle guidance behind the strength. That tail held him many times. Often times, Cronus would grab his guitar and sit with pops while he played. That tail curled around him loosely while he plucked away. Sometimes pops would nap, other times sit there and bubble happily. 

 

They had such good times together, even if he could be a fucking clutz. Those little memories made it hurt the most at times. Yes, the very recent memories of seeing him die very much made it hard, but after a couple weeks, it gets to the point of “yeah, i sawv my ovwn lusus die. no, im not upset by that anymore.” 

 

He just  _ wished _ he could talk to someone about this, how the memories of the good old days just killed him, how he felt numb about everything, how he kept waiting for him to come back like nothing had happened. But no one cared to even check in on him. Ever. That stung as much as the loss did. When a guy knows no one gives two shits about him, that takes a toll on him. 

 

Now that he thought about it, no one even cared when his lusus was dying. There was the one friend that he spilled everything too, and all that person did was sit in awkward silence while he rambled. They hadn’t spoken since pops passed. His friend never reached out to him, and Cronus never bothered to reach out to him either. It had been four months since he died and that friend didn’t even bother to shoot a simple one word text. He really was alone.

 

Time for another smoke.


	11. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> did not forget about this just been busy as fuck with life next chapter going up in a second

Seven months since that fateful day. Seven months and so much happened in the first few weeks following the death. Nothing much has happened in the dreary months. The moons rose and fell, rose and fell, rose and fell. He would look out of his window at maybe twice a day if he was lucky and the weather continued to do what it does. It rained, it got cold, the sun shined, it got warm. The weather continued like nothing had changed. Nothing had changed for anyone else. He would occasionally check Chitter, Bubblr, any social media he had and all of his friends continued about their lives. Nothing had changed for anyone else.

 

Cronus found himself sitting on his pops’ bed fairly often. He would just sit on it, run his hands over the fabric and feel where his lusus had ripped it in some spots from his sharp scales. The stuffing was coming out of some places of it. He would poke it back in, sometimes pull it out. It all depended on his mood.

 

Often times he could swear he could still hear Pops bubble. Other times, he heard his pops cry. That always happened when he was saddest about the loss. He had only seen his lusus cry twice, but the sound was etched into his memory like someone had chiseled into stone. This crying he heard was different from the rest. There was sorrow for what had happened, for not taking care of himself like he should have, for being sick, for all the wrong doings he had ever done. This tore Cronus to pieces. He would squeeze his head between his hands and scream to try and drown out the sound. He hated it. Hated hearing his father like this, hated having a voice in his head that he couldn’t stop. He screamed until his voice grew hoarse, grew quiet like a whisper. When he couldn’t scream any longer, he just cried in silence. There would be the hiccups and gasps of breath, but no more talking to himself about how he missed his father, no more yelling, just sucking in air to fill the void his father had left. 

 

Those seven months were filled with horrible loneliness. He knew the rest of his life would be filled with it until the day he died. Nothing would ever fill the hole. Cronus knew this. That knowledge worried an even bigger hole in his heart, one that no one can repair. He wanted to die. He wanted something to make him not feel so alone, so tired, so beaten down, but nothing could do it. No amount of nicotine could make him not feel so empty. If anything, it just made him feel worse. 

 

He had been losing weight. They say smoking makes you lose weight. Others say that stress that can make you lose weight. Both together? That can make for one person to become skin and bones, and that he was. 

 

Cronus was sitting in the living room in his father’s chair. He rocked idly, eyes boring holes into pure nothingness. There were no tears to cry. He felt all cried out and emotionally constipated at the same time. He hadn’t heard anything from anyone, his so called friends, his previous charges, his elders or higher ups. Nobody gave a shit about Cronus Ampora. He was just one more sob story that no one cared about. He felt that deep in his bones. No one cared for him. No one wanted to talk about his father. No one wanted to reach out to say “I’m here for you.” Nothing. Just tv snow, static, silence, nothing. 

He stood from his seat on the chair, walked the few steps to the window, and peered out. An overcast day, nothing out of the ordinary. Cronus took a good few minutes to observe and admire the sky. He wondered what his lusus was up to. There was no way of telling.

 

“i vwish i vwas dead.” His face remained expressionless. There was no tone to his voice to suggest what he really felt, just a flat tone like someone reading from a book. This wasn’t a book he was reading. This was just a fact he felt needed to be stated to his audience of zero. 

 

What would happen if he disappeared? Would people care? Would they wonder what happened or simply put two and two together. What if this disappearance was something other than running away and leaving to some far off dream land. What if it was his life disappearing. Would people care then? Would they give half a shit about the seadweller who was so wrought with grief that he took his own life? Would they?

 

He shook his head and looked down. Probably not. He’d just be another urban legend the kids pass around as ghost stories. At least someone would think about him. Granted, not in his time of need, but he’d be thought of. If this scenario did happen, it would be the most care anyone has given him in a long while. 

 

Cronus needed a smoke. 

 

He grabbed his pack of cigs off the coffee table next to him like it was long overdue cash from a wishy washy friend. He took a seat on the cement patio in his backyard. The lighter he kept in the nearly empty pack fell out when he tilted it over. He placed a cigarette between his lips and lit it. This routine had been practiced many times by now. There was no fumbling like the first time, no overwhelming sense of anxiety. Just numbness and a bit of jittery feeling from the nicotine craving. 

 

He took a long drag from his cigarette and let it marinate in his lungs. After a good fifteen seconds, he began to breathe out through his nose. It tasted like he just went headfirst into a barbecue pit. Cronus flicked the ash off the cigarette a bit too hard and the cheap paper broke. He muttered a curse under his breath. It was hanging together by a single strip of fiber. Shit. 

 

He said to hell with it, and took a drag from the still lit half with all of the guts ready to fall out. Luckily, not much got into his mouth. He continued like this until the cigarette was spent. He still felt like shit, like hammered shit. Nothing ever dulled the pain he felt anymore. Nothing ever gave him happiness. 


	12. Rip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end

An hour later, he sat in his room. The cabinet that old Ahab sat in was staring at him. It was looking through him. It saw every single thought that went through his mind and then some. It knew what he wanted to do. The hive made a creak, the home settling. The loose door shifted open. The lock had broken many sweeps ago, but he never bothered to fix it. It would occasionally crack open like this, so it wasn’t unusual. This time felt like a big “OPEN” sign had flickered on. 

 

After a pregnant pause, he lumbered up from his spot on his old mattress and opened the gun cabinet. Ahab watched his every movement. The fingers of his left hand traced the cool metal. His right hand joined the other on the gun to heft it up. He walked from the bedroom to the backdoor. He stared out the window for a moment, a brief second, then turned the knob and walked out. Cronus stood in the center of the yard on the soft grass. His eyes ran over his weapon. This thing had served him well for many sweeps. It would serve him one last time, he thought as he sat on the ground.

 

He lined the muzzle up to right at where his chin met his neck. The safety was clicked off. His finger sat on the trigger. He waited until the count of thirty. No interruptions, no calls, no texts, no neighbors being nosy. Nothing. Silence. 

 

**_BANG._ **

 


End file.
